Listen to The Tears

Let what thrives inside be endowed with life। My hand, pen, and paper will be the instruments. My heart will be the guide.

How long can you hold on to something that is uncertain? How much can you give when you were left empty-handed? How deep can you get when you have to discern far beneath the surface?

I look at the mirror. What I see is a fine young lass. Her radiant smile reflects the banal yet unparalleled life she used to have. Competent. Aggressive. Hopeful. But fixing my sight on her eyes lets me see the truth. There are tears uncried. She tries to breathe a word but nothing comes in or out. Her plight is exacerbated by this imbroglio, emasculating the courage of the heart. Some people have the knack for this. When one can no longer explain, he draws a curve line on his face - a smile.Trying to feign, she smiles, and smiles, and smiles, and smiles up until a tear falls. And then another falls. I witness the tears as they freely fall down. On the floor, her tears seem to settle forever. I slowly drop down on my knees as I hear the tears calling me. Coming from the lady's tears, countless groans are heard, pains are felt, emotions are revealed, and the truth is emancipated. Well-explained, oh tears...

There are things destined to be understood through tears. She holds on to something obscure. She gives more when she, herself, is depleting and has nothing left. She searched beyond the deepest and most painful part for answers। Do you ask why? Or maybe how? Question my heart, my tears will answer।

The next time she cries, try not to ask. Listes to the tears...

Great is THY Faithfulness.

The time now is exactly 10 in the evening. In two hours, I will have to bid my good-bye with the word teen. Yes. Advanced Happy 20th birthday to me. At first, I felt no glee. In fact, there was this blue funk compelling me to refrain from accepting the reality that I am 19 going 20. I felt really old suddenly. WHAT?!

Today, I woke up strong. Today, I woke up with a loving family. Today, I woke up with things only getting better. Today, I woke up with the competency to withstand the present challenges. Today, I woke up loved and cared for. And today, I woke up because of God's faithfulness. From the moment that I was awakened with the sound of dad's voice lingering in my ears, His faithfulness was already proven. God could have given me another day but with tragedies to face, incapabilities to deal with, fatal disease to fight, or the worst, God could have never even graced me with life this day. But He has. I am breathing. I am alive. I am living with so many blessings to savor.

In the Bible, the word grace/favor was written 365 times. Just enough to know that daily, his grace flows from His throne of mercy and it abounds. A combination of numbers that appeases me. That though the sun sets today, tomorrow it shall rise up again, as it always has. And that is, my friend, a manifestation of the grace of God. This year has not been very easy. There were mountains to climb up. There were oceans to cross. There were impossibilities to triumph over. I lost some, I won some. One day it was painful, the next day it was the worst. At times things happened abruptly. And before I knew it, I was already flat on my face. This year, so many times I have crammed, cried, laughed, danced, sang, hugged, gotten angry, been embittered, been blessed everyday, loved, smiled, worshiped and praised. Today, the sun has already set, and tomorrow, I believe, it will rise again, because God is faithful.

June 10, 2009 will mark another year in my life. A year of LOVE, GRACE, and FAITHFULNESS.

I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let my foot slip. He who watches me will not slumber; indeed He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over me. The Lord is my shade at my right hand; the sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep me from all harm. He will watch over my life; the Lord will watch over my coming and going both now and forever.